My Favorite/Top 5 Paragraphs of the Year

I love a good opening paragraph. It’s the hardest to craft. It’s, of course, a very important piece of any article but so is every single paragraph in the body. When I find a mindblowing paragraph from any of my favorite writers on Variety and Indiewire, I pause, screenshot, read over and over again as there’s nothing more beautiful about this craft than actually putting together a row of sentences to form what appears to be a well-thought standalone excerpt in the middle of a chronological writeup. Being able to appreciate the effort put into paragraphs is a superpower you receive if you’ve actually written some yourself. So, I’m celebrating the beautiful ones I’ve written this year:

  1. From ‘Terminator: Dark Fate review’: Yea. It’s cheesy. I know. But I do feel this paragraph, which appears in the tail end of the review, is for future research materials. I am from the future, everybody. And if you don’t like this paragraph, it’s because its ahead of its time. Now read while I rest in my cryochamber.

The script couldn’t avoid a lot though but Dark Fate is graphically appealing and yeah, you could say it brings nothing new to the table but just like every Terminator film or TV Show, I enjoyed the ride. The action is a vivacious expression of the growth of Sci-Fi since the first Terminator premiered 36 years ago. It’s animated, sometimes sparkly. Sci-Fi affords viewers the opportunity to glory in slashes, cuts and decapitations because it is never gory. In fact, it can be likened to a dance – a smooth, coordinated and, even, romantic, dance of technology. And Terminator has always delivered on that end. Once again, I enjoyed the ride and I even got my theme song at the end, twice even. Du du dum dum dum, Du du dum dum dum.

2. From ‘Extraction review’: For some reason, I made this the opening paragraph while I was attempting to express my apparent displeasure with Chris Hemsworth’s newest venture.

The thing about one-word titled action movies is that they exist mainly as fillers to the genre’s growing catalogue and they do very little in advancing the clout and raising the field’s bar. And after we’ve seen the elusive hitman, John Wick tear through cities and a gazillion jaw-dropping car chases, even that has become hard to do. Insert: Extraction — Netflix’s newest installment in the ‘elaborate destruction movies with a popular lead’ and the industry’s newest entry into the catalogue I aptly titled ‘solo merc with battle scars, a sketchy past that involves kid or wife, may or may not have done a few tours in a middle eastern country, with a death wish.’

3. From an untitled ‘King of Boys’ review: This shouldn’t be here because its from an unpublished article but it’ll probably never see the light of the day as it has been unfinished for 5 months. Forgive me for adding it but it’s fantastic, especially if you know what it’s about.

It’s easy to forget that K1 D Ultimate made an appearance in the opening scene of KOB to grace Eniola Salami’s birthday party or the “Fill my cup oh lord” poster in the kingpin’s office. But what’s harder to remember is the last time a Nollywood film championed a cultural reset to become a single force of sheer greatness home and abroad; revered by critics and audience alike. So good it brought in new converts into the fold of the third largest movie market in the world.

4. From ‘Mulan’ review: Oh, Mulan. Sweet Mulan. Made me so angry I wrote a 245-word lead paragraph.

When the film ended, I shut my eyes in embarrassment. I was ashamed. Despite the wonderful hands behind the camera, crafting and fashioning each shot, this film fell short of every cinematic expectation. The first Disney branded film to feature an all-Asian cast is a children’s movie with cartoon dialogues, overreaching score and moronic plot points. It’s amazing that anyone agreed to make this film this way cos if you told me anyone could waste Donnie Yen, Jet Li, Ming Na Wen (f**king Ming Na Wen) and Yifei Liu, I’d bet my eyes that the day would never come. It’s not even a totally horrible watch – Niki Caro’s directing is perceptive. It’s just that the script seemed to have been written by a feminist robot from the 80s. Because I’m sure today’s feminist will cringe at that “I believe Hua Mulan” scene that’s about to go down as one of the worst film scenes I’ve seen. Never have I seen a social message so forced, stripped of its essence and become a joke in 10 seconds. Every actor in that scene, I’m wondering, as you were saying those words out of your mouth, did you not feel the need to yell Cut! walk off the set and wire back your salary? I know you felt it. Take action next time.

5. From ‘Project Power review’: Hehehehehe.

It has no central villain; anyone can be a villain, from jacked-up youth to lab bodyguards, thanks to the eponymous pill that gives you “powers” for five minutes. And the heroes can either choose to shoot their way through things or take the pill cos who’s gonna stop them? Not giving your hero a formidable adversary is an anomaly Tom and Jerry fixed decades ago. How hard can it be? Here, we’ve got to deal with disposable human monsters with no training and all the strength in the world.

Year_End-Lists still ongoing…

Okiki Adeduyite

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